Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Boobs speak an international language.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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