oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
well you can't waste a boner
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
