I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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