I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
