shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
