Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
