Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize