Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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