saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I puked a lego.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
