if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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