I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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