White coat. Heels.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
