Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
