Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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