If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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