Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
