I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize