Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
