He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
