Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
