I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
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