omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
