i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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