Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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