its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
