I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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