The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My vagina is officially offended.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
