A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize