I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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