youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
