I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
