Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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