You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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