then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
