so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
