She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
