as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think my moral compass just broke
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
