addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
