You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
