oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
