The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
