my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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