would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
