I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
