Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize