what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
