im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
