peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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