I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
