I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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