I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
