so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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