My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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