why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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