The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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