Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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