You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize