im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
