Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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