I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
