No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
