No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
