Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
