she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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