i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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