It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
