I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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