I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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