I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
