everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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