When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize