when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
