I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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