I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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