I'm gonna have a badass scar
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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