Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
