I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
