how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
