Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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