No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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