i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
