I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Your topless pictures make me question reality
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize