why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
