He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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