Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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