Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
