i don't like sucking hair
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
